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  • Tangela Phillips-Lane

Family Matters


Sticking Together through Thick and Thin

“Bonding”


Bonding is the process of development of a close, interpersonal relationship. It most commonly takes place between family members or friends, but can also develop among groups such as sporting teams and whenever people spend time together. Bonding is a mutual, interactive process, and is different from linking.


Another definition is something that binds, fastens, confines, or holds together. For example using tape, or glue. According the internet, the strongest glue in the world is Rhino glue. It can bond everything from wood to bricks.


Bonding typically refers to the process of attachment that develops between romantic partners, close friends, or parents and children. This bond is characterized by emotions such as affection and trust. Any two people who spend time together may form a bond.


Note: Bonding is important to a family

What bonds a family together? LOVE

John 13:1 “….Having loved his own who were in the world, He loved them unto the end” Christ taught us the principles of bonding. His relationships with the disciples demonstrated unconditional, unchanging love. This is the kind of relationship we all want in our families; to love and to be loved unconditionally. We want to know that home is the one place that we can truly be ourselves, and where we are always welcome.


1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says Love suffers long (patient) and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself (boast), is not puffed up (prideful), does not behave rudely (dishonor others), does not seek its own, is not provoked (easily angered), thinks no evil (keeps no record of wrong), does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, endures all things.


Society has distorted the word love to the point that it has lost its true meaning. The word love is often used for like and lust. It is used as persuasion, leverage, and sometimes bribery.


Patience and Kindness vs. Persuasion and Harsh

In our families today many have allowed the world to dictate their actions. In order to get things accomplished they have to persuade, (to urge, to advise, to convince) another family member. One should not have to convince their husband, or wife or children to spend time with them. Time can be spent together watching TV, going out to eat or to the movies, taking a vacation, reading the bible together. Many people in families lack patience, in other words they lack love. Because when we are patient one is able to handle/bear another’s worst behavior without retaliation, regardless of the circumstances.


Jesus did not have to persuade the disciples to spend time with him, they wanted to spend time with him because he showed them unconditional love and kindness. He did not speak harsh words to them, he didn’t call them out of their names, he didn’t call them stupid, lazy, good for nothing, pitiful, etc.


Ephesians 4:32

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.


When we are kind to one another we purposely look for ways to be helpful and useful in another person’s life. As Christians, as imitators of Christ being kind to one another should not be hard, should not be a task, however, because in some families the husband does not like the wife, or the wife does not like the husband, children do not like the parents and vice versa they tolerate one another.


Ephesians 4:2-3

with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. When families are not bonded together with love there is no joy, no peace, no trust, and no happiness.


1 Corinthians 13: 4 -7, when inspected it tells us what love is and what love is not. It says that love is patient, kind, unselfish, truthful, hopeful and enduring, then it also says that love is not envious, proud, self-centered, rude, or provoked to anger. When a person says I love you, a favorite phrase is actions speak louder than words. In other words it’s what you do - not what you say, that lets a person know how much you love them. If you are easily angered, if you keep up with everything they did wrong (even after you say they are forgiven), if it’s always has to about you (self-centered), if you always are talking about what you got (boasting), you’re missing the mark. The bible says that those are not characteristics of love. When one bonds their family with conditional love, the bond does not and cannot last. We as Christians have to examine ourselves to see if we fit the bill of what real love is, are we truly Christ like and if we are sharing real (unconditional) love with our families.


Families are able to strengthen their bond when they spend time together, when they serve one another, when they work together, and when they face difficulties together. Remember “We are family!”


Apostle T. P. Lane

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